It's not your damn phone

I have a love hate relationship with my phone. Sometimes I am super productive with it and other times it completely steals my focus.

I can understand why so many people are videos about, "it really is that damn phone".

Everywhere I go I see people looking down at the phones and not at the world around them. I get it.

I don't think it's totally your fault either. Your phone has been a distraction. It is a distraction.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Lately my relationship with my phone has greatly improved. It's mostly love and little hate.

This makes me believe there is a way to use your phone that improves your life and doesn't steal your attention. Want to know the best thing about it?

You have already done it.

My childhood was different

I was born in 1997. Growing up during the early 2000s was different from probably any other generation.

The internet was just picking up speed but was still pretty basic.

Nothing was on demand yet. I remember my sister and I would go to civic to rent movies on dvd's. The only thing time you heard your favourite song was by chance when you were in the car.

I grew up around gaming consoles. I rememebr playing crash bandicoot on the playstation 1 and then as I got abit older the spyro trilogy of the playstation two.

Those were the days

Back then social media didn't really exist. There was this weird website called MySpace, but no Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.

I was old enough to know what it was like to be bored and to find ways to entertain myself. Hitting balls around the backyard, pretending I'm a super hero on the trampoline, playing catch, messing around with wodden blocks at my nan and po’s for hours was common.

But I was still young enough to know I had this technology around me.

Then it was 2007. That was the defining moment in the history of humankind. The world after 2007 became rapidly different from the world before 2007. I was 10 living through that transition.

My childhood was relatively distraction-free, but my teens were distraction-filled.

2007 was the year the genie was let out of the bottle and he isn't going back in. This is the world we live in now. For anyone born later than me, this is all you know.

This is the technological environment you grew up in.

Generational Sedation

Did you know the word phone comes from the greek word phōnē - which means voice or sound.

Your phone is not just a means of voice communication. It's your portable gateway into the virtual world. It granted you zero resistance on demand access to the internet.

What the internet has proved to be great at is encouraging avoidant behaviour.

The internet offers you an escape away from your problems and also any uncomfortable feeling you may feel: Boredom, shame, sadness, irritation — you don't need to feel any of them.

It won't make you happy because you know it is empty. But it gives you a drip of dopamine and serotonin.

You simply never need to be with yourself anymore. There is always something to distract you from what you are thinking and feeling. The internet does a fantastic job of taking the mind of the mind.

As a result, our entire generation has become sedated. Your pains and desires numbed, like a local anesthesia.

It's not your fault

You didn't ask to be born in this time. A time when we are drunk on money and clueless about what we are doing.

Billions of dollars have gone into developing these devices and apps to be as low resistance and intutive to use as a possible. They needed to be to be the 'best' product on the market.

The virtual portal you carry around at arm's reach every second of the day hacks into your dopaminergic reward system. The system that is responsible for habit formation.

Nir Eyal says in his book hooked, to make your app as addictive as possible you need to make your app apart of the user's habits. Exploit their internal triggers.

Triggers are anything that sets off the neural pathways of a habit.

As it turns out 90% of your triggers are internal. Thoughts and feelings. Because of the prediction, trigger, action reward loop, your brain learns that your phone is the solution to whatever problem arised internally.

Everytime you reach for your phone, when you are waiting for the elevator, or in line, when you wake up in the morning or you are at your desk, you are rewarded immediately.

This is why it feels like our phones have their death grips sunk into us. Because of the convenient access it has provided to the internet and the habits it has formed, your phone has literally become interwined with your brain.

We're not really human anymore. We are like a primitive cyborg.

2007 was only 18 years ago. From evolution stand point, the environmental change we have created is so extreme compared to the time scale we had to adjust to it. 18 years is nothing in comapred to 50,000 plus years of pyschological development.

Our phones are so effective at doing what they were deigned to do, every generation is struggling with this distraction.

Even Roy Buamister, the godfather of will power, says he has noticed a significant decline in his focus due to the use of modern technology.

But those of you who are around my age and younger have it pretty tough. You grew up with these devices litterally in your hand. Your most formative years has become so interwined with the internet.

I don't think you had a choice either. This is the world you have been born into. It's not your fault.

Take a sign of relief, it is not your fault.

When it comes to habit formation, the environment matters a lot. You probably heard of the stories of soldiers using cocaine and nicotine at war, but when they returned home, they didn't have an addiction to those substances.

Environment is key.

This technological landscape you have been given is not going away. That genie is out of the bottle and it is not going back in.

This is where the voice of your dad steps into your mind.

"ok son, that's the situation. What are you going to do about it".

Your choices

As I see it you have a few options:

1. You do nothing and hope business and governments wake up in time to save you. I don't like this option.

2. You go in the other direction entirely. Reject the modern world and live in the woods like a hermit. While it does has a romantic appeal, it's not realistic or desireable.

3. You reject your phone and limit access to the internet. Replace your phone with a notepad. Replace your smartphone with a dumb phone. Look, a small percentage of you is going to like this option. That's fine. Not me. I like my phone too much to abandon it.

4. You can have your cake and eat it too. You can have your phone and use it. But you need to learn how to integrate into your life.

I like option four. The best thing about option 4 is you have already worked this out.

I will repeat that. You already workout how to have your phone and eat it too.

Phone integration

But first I need to change the story you tell yourself about your phone.

Your phone is a tool not a demon

My life would be objectively worse if i didn't have my phone.

• my gym sessions would suffer because tracking progress would become more cumbersome

• my diet would suffer because I would not be able to track my macros efficently

• my ideas would suffer because I wouldn't be able to listen to audiobooks, podcasts, and youtube videos while on the move. And I would not be able to capture my ideas quickly

• my punctuality would suffer because now I have to navigate with street maps, not google maps

• my relationships would suffer because I wouldn't be able to contact my friends or home easily

As you see, your phone is just a tool to help you solve whatever your problem is. That is why phones have gotten so popular so quickly — they solved problems people have.

The reality of the world we live in, though, is that when you solve a problem, you also create new problems.

In a world where distractions are so readily available, it is much easier to nothing while doing something than it is to do the thing.

Which is why it is important to be intentional with our phones.

You already solve this problem

You are not always distracted.

Let's say you have an average screen time of 6 hours per day. It's high yes but are you really distracted, procrastinating, unaware and untentional for all the other hours of the day?

I doubt it. It is likely that at some point during the day you are focused and being intentional with your time.

True?

Our minds crave certainity. We susceptible to catastrophising our situation because we think in absolutes. We lack nauance particualry when it comes to ourselves.

We think if we have a 2 hour doom scrolling session, we fucked up completely. And that's all we do. We make too many generalisations about ourselves. And they are not completely true.

I can you right now. You reading this. You got to here. You are no one near as bad as you think you are.

I'm sure you have days where you are focused and you are untouchable by distractions. How do I know? Because I have these days too. These days come naturally instead of being synthesised through will power.

What is happening on those days?

We often look to other people who achieved the thing we want and deconstruct what they are doing so we can replicate it for ourselves. That is a useful practise some of time.

But we almost never look to ourselves and dissect what we are doing when things are naturally going well.

The most useful thing you can do is to dissect and analyse what you did well on your good days. You can optmise for that and they are 100% tailored to your experience because they were your experiences.

If you did that and that alone, you would have your answers and you will be on the right track.

I also know that if you haven't made introspection a practise, dissecting yourself can be difficult. I will list the most common things I notice when my phone use is poor compared to when it is good. You can see which ones resonate with you as well.

In bad times

Let's start with the bad.

• When progress is slow and dissatisfaction is high. This was common last year. It's like a nihilistic and depressive state. Scrolling and YT videos are a good way to take the mind off itself.

• When clarity is lost. I didn't make the time to reduce entropy by planning what I need to do and when. Unconsicous phone use is an easy default to slide into.

• When my energy management is poor. Sometimes I am tired bevause i haven't been looking after myself as well as I could. In these moments I want to do nothing but also doing something. Unintentional phone use is common.

• When I break promises to myself. If I say I will do things i don't do them, the gap for mental demons widens. If I go to bed late, even though I said I wouldn't. If i don't get up early even though I said i would. If I did a certain habit even though I promised the last time it would be the last time. The worst beliefs I have of myself and reflected back at me. My phone use offers an escape from the pain. Further worsening my low mood.

• When I transition from one task to the next, it feels like my mind hasn't caught up to where my body is. For example, a couple of minutes of scrolling is really easy to do between getting home and going to the gym. A couple of minutes can quickly balloon to 30 minutes or sometimes an hour or more.

That covers the most commons causes of my distractions. The distraction is nearly always my phone. I did not have the same with relationship with my laptop or TV. Both of devices are always used for intentional focus. The phone however is not.

My phone encourages unaware and unintentional use. But as you will see in good times, it doesn't have it be that way.

In good times

There are some days where my focus is naturally better and distractions are distracting. These are the common things I have noticed during those days.

• When clarity is high. I have a plan I can refer to of what I need to do that day.

• When I am working on projects that hit the optimal experience. Challgening enough that I am engaged but not so challenging that I become bored. I am seeing progress and more enjoyment of it is sustained. I reach the flow state.

• When I give my mind space and time to get perspective. Typically during the moments in between or during walks.

• When I prioritise the big 6 movers, my energy management is good. When I am tired and want to do nothing but something, it is input to select one of these inputs that give me energy. Constant reminder is needed.

• When I have built positive momentum. Doing the things I said I would. Doing the hard things, including the things I didn't want to do.

• When I am fully engaged in what I am doing. Writing and editing at my desk. Watching a great show on the couch. Thinking and note taking out on walks. During conversations with my friends. My phone has no grip on me. \

Good times are good times because I made them be good times. I did it. It didn't just magically happen as its own.

There are times when you are focused and not distracted. What is going on during this time. What are you doing in particular that creates focus? Then think how can mulitple these actions over the week, every week to sustain your focus.

If you are unsure where to start the below guide will help you out

How to have your phone and eat it too

You probably understand by now your destructive, non-productive behaviour that results in distractions is a symptom of bigger problems in your life.

If you want to fix your phone use, reduce your screen time, and use your phone in ways that add to your life instead of subtracting from it, then you need to fix those internal triggers that these devices are exploiting.

It's not a matter of just avoiding the triggers, either. Eventually, you will slip up, and your brain learns exactly what it needs to give you to get to do the thing. Unfortunately, this makes resistance in the future progressively harder.

Think bigger and treat the below guiding principles.

1. Create meaningful projects in your life

This by far the biggest determinant of your focus. If you don't have projects you want to productive for you will default to your no effort distractions to fill in the time.

If you are not sure what project you should be working on, remember you are the project. Everything you are doing is for you in one way or another, otherwise you wouldn't be doing do it.

Think about how you improve your life in terms of your wealth, health, relationship and mental wellbeing.

Jordan peterson has a great question, "What is one thing I am doing wrong that i know I am doing wrong, that I could fix, that I would fix"? Get perspective and mediate on that. A project will come to mind.

I have three projects I am actively working on right now. Impactful ideas, lifting weights, and the other is a secret (I will reveal it eventually). Often it feel like there isn't enough time for all of it.

But remember you cannot force this, you will have to experiement until something clicks and then all of a sudden you have the one thing that makes everything else irrevalant.

2. Create project focused habits

After you have decided on what projects you want to focus on, you have to form habits that contributes to the project.

For example since wrinting ideas for these newsletter is the main componenet for the impactful idea youtube channel, I need to have habits that enable me to write.

• I write first thing in the morning

• In the afternoon and evenings i am hunting for ideas or learning about something interesting

These habits are built as part of the regular daily routine. Having focused habits, you have decided to decrease the distraction temptation.

Learn, Action, Consistency, Experiment (LACE) — that's how you improve and form habits that are best for you

You can read last week's newsletter for more details on this finding focus part

3. Your focus system to avoid pitfalls

Alot of what we discussed in the last section is implementing strategies to prevent your common pitfalls.

Developing a focus system has helped me obtain better control over these distraction. Reminder — it is not perfect. It will never be perfect.

Understand your triggers and devise ways you can prevent them. This becomes your focus system. The main parts of my current system are:

• plan out all objectives in the week on Sunday ahead of time.

• structure the tasks to complete each day and revise nightly.

• no phone until after the first work block of the day (2 hours) and no phone in the last hour of the day.

• charge my phone in the kitchen overnight not in my room

• use do not disturb when I don't want to be disturbed

• turn all phone notifactions off except for the absolute essentials

• only have the important apps organise on the home screen.

• use microhabits to win the moments in between.

• design your week around the things that fill my energy cup. Energy management is important

• I don't use any app blockers or timers because I don't want to rely on them. However, they may be beneficial for you.

4. Create space for boredom

One of the biggest triggers we all have for our distractive phone use is boredom.

Begin to see free moments where you feel bored as opporutnity to get some perspective. You will begin to notice things you wouldn't have otherwise.

Here's what it could look like:

• A meditation practise each morning

• Resisting the urge to look at the phone when you are on the toilet or when you are waiting.

• Go on walks without your phone.

• Practice only doing one thing at a time.

• Allow your mind to unwind at night without your phone. This one is tough

5. Learn impulse control

You need to train your self control muscle. Do not be like the kids in the marshmallow experiment.

Learn that you can want something without getting it and that is ok. You can have urges and not satisfy them and you will be fine.

I practise a meditation technique called noting which has helped by develop better impulse control. You can use learn about urge surfing. It is similar to noting.

6. Improve your emotional health

Impulse control is great. But will power is finite. The goal is to not get the impulses in the first place. The best way to do that is to change the story you tell yourself because that will change your identity.

Our mind wants to behave in ways that is consistent to what our identity is. If you see yourself as someone who goes to the gym, going to the gym is a lot easier.

But this requires us to go through some pain first.

We all have insecurities. We all have parts of ourselves that we would rather didn't exist. We learned behaviours to deal with these parts of ourselves. Destructive distraction to the worst beliefs we have about ourselves.

For better or worse, your phone is the tool you have used to solve the problems you have.

Your relationship with your phone is downstream of everything else.

Taking back control over your focus and eliminating these types of distractions, will require you to take care of these parts of yourself. Not to chastise them or reject them but to accept them and harmonise them.

I have some ideas about how to do this but this is still very much a work in progress for me too.

There is alot of information in this newsletter. Don't try to do all of it all at once. Take one thing that stood out to you and focus on that.

These steps I laid out are going to require alot of trial and error. You will likely be working on these steps or most of your life. You are going to trip and full flat on your face, probably daily.

It's ok. It's expected and it's not a big deal. Imperfect consistency over absolute consistency.

That's all for this letter,

Enjoy the rest of your day,

Josh